Life's Most Unbelievable Moments
by Gbaby808
Summary: A collection of short FMA oneshots. Now with various themes! From stories with my OCs, to stories with the series' original characters. It's a oneshot stop!
1. a Bit of Pain

One afternoon, Gavin was outside, repairing the fence. The neighbor's dog had rammed at it, and left a huge hole in it. Gavin had removed the four damaged planks, and was drilling the one's to replace them. He was on the last one, when something weird happened.

Gavin walked into the house, surprisingly calm. He walked into the living room, where Roy was reading and Sara was watching T.V.

"Oh, hey Gavin." said Roy, as he looked up from his book. "How's the -WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!" Sara and Roy looked at Gavin's right hand, which had a six inch long drill bit through it.

"Oh, this? Yeah. Funny story. You see, I was drilling some holes into a plank of wood, and wouldn't you know it! I missed the wood!" replied Gavin, in a disturbingly cheerful manner.

"Well, no duh you missed! You should go to the E.R. NOW!" said Sara.

"Nah. Why go through all the trouble? I can just pull it out myself! Do either of you remember where the first aid kit and ridiculously huge band-aids are?"

"Are you crazy?!?!" asked Roy. Gavin just blinked cheerfully. "That would be a yes."

"Gavin. Car. Hospital. NOW!" ordered Sara.

"Oh, wow! Since when did you care so much?" asked Roy, surprised.

"Well, he is my big brother. And I guess I _have_ to love him. Plus he's getting blood all over the carpet. I really don't want to have to clean it up." Roy was dumbstruck.

Everyone got into the car, as Sara drove them to the Hospital. Gavin continued to complain about how he could have taken care of himself all the way to the hospital.

A couple hours later, the trio left the hospital, Gavin with his right hand completely covered in bandages.

"I still don't see why we had to come." said Gavin, smugly.

"Leave medicine to the pros, Mr. Do it yourself." said Sara, annoyed.

"But, hey! On the bright side, I can dress up as a mummy. Just wrap me in some more bandages!"

"By any chance, could we bandage your mouth _shut_?" asked Sara.

"Sara." said Roy, in a very mature tone. "Well, I'm glad you didn't manage to kill us. With your driving skills. Or lack thereof."

"Shut up!"

Disclaimer: Roy Mustang belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. But young Roy, Gavin & Sara belong to me.


	2. Ouch!

One Halloween evening, when Gavin was only 10 years old, he stole Sara's, who is now 7, candy. So later that night, when they were on the balcony of their house, Sara got her revenge.

"Hey, brother! Look over there!" said Sara, as she pointed in any random direction.

"Where?" asked Gavin, as he peered over the railing. He was standing on a crate, so the railing was below his waist.

"Over there!" yelled Sara, as she shoved Gavin over the railing.

"I'm telling on ya, Sawa!" said Roy, who was 5 at the time, as he ran into the house.

Roy ran up to his mother, who was in the kitchen, doing the dishes. He pulled on her apron, until she looked down at him.

"What's wrong Roy? Is everything okay?" asked his mother.

"Bwother fwell down! Sawa push-ed him!" said Roy urgently.

"Sara pushed him? Is he okay?" asked his father, who was at the table, reading.

"I dun know. Ask Sawa!" Roy and his parents went out to the balcony.

"Where's Gavin, Sara?" asked their Mother sternly. Sara pointed towards the railing. Their parents both rushed to the railing, and looked over. "Oh my god!"

"Gavin?! Are you okay?!" yelled their father. All they could hear was faint whimpering.

"Sara Elizabeth Mustang! Why on earth did you do that?!" scolded their mother.

"I have a good reason!" protested Sara.

"And what is that?"

"He stole my lollipop."

"We'll talk about this later. But you're in big trouble, young lady." said their father. Everyone rushed down stairs. When they got to spot on the grassy lawn that Gavin landed, they could see that he was okay. For the most part. He had a concussion, and tons of fractures. Sara, was grounded for a month.

About a week later, when he got out of the hospital, he was back to his normal old self. The whole family was driving home, with Sara and Gavin seated next to each other in the back seat , with Roy in a car seat, of course.

"He's touching me!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"He's touching me!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"He's touching me!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"He's touching me!"

"I'm not touching you!"

"They just live to drive us insane, don't they?" sighed their mom.

"Sometimes, it feels that way."


	3. Love Hurts

LOL! Here's one for winglessfairy25, who wanted some Riza! By the way, I also love, love, LOVE Royai!

"Aw, crap!" cursed Roy, as he ran down the school hallway during lunch break.

"DAMMIT! Get your ass over here so I can kill you, Roy!!!!" screamed Riza. Roy turned at the stairwell. But when he stopped, he was at a dead end. He looked back, only to find Riza getting closer and closer.

"Please! R-Riza! Don't-don't hurt me!" begged Roy.

"I'm going to-" started Riza, in a positively evil voice. "Give you a big kiss!" Riza said that in lovey-dovey voice. She came over to Roy, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye, Roy-kun!" Riza skipped, yes, skipped down the hall. Then, she stopped and turned around. "I'll see _you_ later!" The last part sounded sinister. Then waved cheerfully.

Later that day, during co-ed P.E., the class was split into two teams, for a game of football. Roy was on the blue team, with Jean, while Riza was on the red. Roy looked over, towards Riza's direction, she saw him, and gave him a friendly wave.

"Well, she looks like she's locked in happy mode, for now." sighed Roy.

"Pft! Not for long. Get ready to get mauled, Roy." replied Jean.

The class went outside, and the game started, and Roy happened to get the ball. He was going down field, when Riza, as Jean predicted it, mauled him. Of course, since this was football, it just looked like a tackle. Riza got up, and giggled, and ran back to her team.

Roy was mauled, a record 7 times. The red team also won. Throughout the day, Riza was happy, angry, happy, angry. She almost killed Roy several times.

That afternoon, when Roy got home, Gavin was in the kitchen, trying to eat an impossibly huge sandwich. He took one look at his baby brother, and laughed.

"So, special time of the month again, is it? You look horrible, by the way." Gavin was obviously trying to be the annoying older brother.

"Yeah. I thought _she_ was supposed to be the one in any kind of pain, not me."

"Well, ever since you told her you like her, and she told you she liked you, she gets super moody when she sees you. One minute, it's pow! I wanna kill ya! The next, it's aw! I just wanna kiss ya!"

"Why do _I_ have to be her PMS punching bag?" whined Roy.

"Just got lucky, I guess?"

"I hate you."


	4. Pretty in Pink

On an ordinary afternoon, Roy walked into the living room, where Sara was doing her nails.

"Hey, sis. Can I borrow 45 bucks?" asked Roy.

"Why." asked Sara.

"I'm going to the mall with Riza & Jean. And, well, I only 5 dollars."

"Go ask Gavin."

"Oh, gee. What a great idea. I'll go ask him right now. But wait. I can't. He's on a train to the other side to Amestris!"

"If I give you cash, what's in it for me?"

"I don't care. Anything you want!"

"Anything?" Sara had a devilish tone in her voice.

"Yeah!"

About a week later, on the day Gavin was due to come home, Sara loomed over Roy, who was eating a snack.

"May I help you?" asked Roy, sarcastically.

"Today's payday, little brother. Today is the day you pay me back."

"Oh, yeah. So. What do you want?" Sara quickly retrieved something from the living room, and showed it to Roy.

"This."

"No. Anything but that! How can you be so cruel?!"

"You said _anything_!"

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Well to bad, little brother. You promised, so you have to."

"Aw, man. Fine. But I still rue the day I took the oath on the whole equivalent exchange thing." Roy sighed, as he took the item from Sara's hands and went to his room.

A couple hours later, Gavin came through the door.

"Hey everyone! I'm home!" Gavin looked towards the couch, where Roy was seated. Sara was taking pictures of him.

"What the hell is going on?!" asked Gavin. He wasn't shocked at the fact that Sara was taking pictures. He was shocked at the fact that Roy was wearing a frilly pink dress, with the works. Lace, bows, ruffles, you name it! And he was wearing makeup. Sara went all out on this.

"Just to warn you, Gavin. NEVER OWE THE SHE-DEVIL ANYTHING!"

Gavin went up to Roy, and looked at him, eye to eye. Then he inspected his face.

"You" started Gavin, pointing to Sara. "That's not cool." Then he looked at Roy. "You. That is _so_ not your color." Roy was shocked. "Looks _weird_ on you. Maybe something lighter? Though I'm not an expert." Gavin snickered, and went upstairs to unpack.

"By the way! You make a pretty girl!!!!" shouted Gavin, from upstairs.


	5. Weird Music

One Sunday morning, Sara had woken up to a sound that utterly displeased her. She grumpily stomped down the stairs, and into the living room. Gavin was at the Grand Piano, playing some old classical piece.

"What the hell is that horrible sound?" snapped Sara. To her, it sounded awful, though Gavin was playing the piece flawlessly.

"It's the final movement of Beethoven's ninth. Ode to Joy?" replied Gavin.

"Beethoven? The dog?"

"The composer."

Sara wasn't into classical music. She was more into the mainstream types of music. Hip-hop, pop, etc. Gavin had an eclectic taste in music. He loved a little bit of everything.

"Well, he must suck, because I've never heard of him." said Sara, crossing her arms in front her chest. "And how can you have _owed_ joy?"

"Owed joy? No. It's _ode._ Ode to Joy. O. D. E."

"What ever."

"Well, then maybe you'd like this a little more?" said Gavin, as he played a snippet of English Suite number 3 in G minor. Perfectly, I must add.

"Ugh! Stop! You're gonna make my eardrums bleed!" groaned Sara. Gavin stopped. "What was that any way?!"

"It's Bach." said Gavin.

"Why? Where'd it go?" asked Sara.

"What? That's the composer. Johann Sebastian Bach." said Gavin, annoyed with his sister's lack of musical knowledge.

"Weird music _and _a weird name. Lovely." "Why can't you like more normal music? Like Gwen Stefani, of Justin Timberlake?"

"Well, without this kind of music, we wouldn't _have_ Gwen Stefani of Justin Timberlake."

"Well, maybe _next time_, could consider playing music I like?"

"Oh. You mean stuff like this?" Gavin reached behind the piano, and took out red Gibsobson Flying V guitar, out of nowhere.

"Somebody told me, you had a boyfriend, who looked like the girlfriend that I had in Febuary of last year. It's not confidential, that I've got potential." sang Gavin, as he played guitar. Or maybe this? Hit it D.J.!" Suddenly, Gavin's best friend, D.J., pops up out of nowhere, and starts the music.

"I'm bringin sexy back" "Yeah!"

"Them other boys don't know how to act" "yeah!"

"I think you're special what's behind your back" "Yeah!"

"So turn around and I'll pick up the slack" "Yeah! Take em' to the bridge" The music stopped.

"Thanks D.J.! You can go now. And good job on the background vocals." said Gavin, turning to his friend.

"But I thought you said that you'd give me 5 bucks." replied D.J.

"Goodbye, D.J.!"

"Jeez! Fine! I'm going. But you owe me." said D.J. as he left through the front door.

"That. Was weird." said Sara. "And where'd you get the guitar? And D.J. too, I guess…"

"Hammerspace." replied Gavin, with a shrug.

"Hammer what?"

"Hammerspace. Do a Wikipedia search if you have to."

"Oh. Kay…. I'm gonna go to mall." said Sara, as she went upstairs to change.

"I'm not crazy!!" yelled Gavin, up the stairs. Roy just so happened to be coming down the stairs at that time.

"Sure you're not, brother." 


	6. Study Buddies

It was mid quarter, and Roy was failing in, well everything. Except science, which was earning an A+ in. Whoop-de-do. He was failing English, social studies, math, and health. He was desperate for help.

"Hey, Gavin. Could you help me in my work? I'm having a bit of trouble." asked Roy.

"Sure, shorty. What do ya need help in?" asked Gavin cheerfully.

"Everything. Well, except science." Gavin was in a state of shock.

"I don't think I can help you now." replied Gavin. "It's not that I don't want to, it's just, I can't help you in everything. I'm working on my thesis. It counts for, well a lot of my grade. Sorry."

"Hey Sara. Can you help me-"

"No." Sara didn't even let Roy finish.

"Why?" Roy was anxious to know.

"I just don't want to." Sara replied bitterly.

_"Why did I even bother to ask?"_ thought Roy.

"Hey Grace. Could you help me with my school work?" Roy called Gavin's girlfriend.

"Gee, I really would love to, but I have to go on this weird enrichment trip. My teacher is making me. I'm really sorry." said Grace. "But you can try asking my brother, D.J. He and Gavin are best friends. I'm sure they work on the same wavelength."

"I'm not to sure. He's the one who left his pants at home. In 40 degree weather." replied Roy

"Good point. People don't usually forget pants." added Grace.

"Why is everyone using that against me?!" yelled D.J. from over the phone.

"Thanks anyway." said Roy, as he hung up.

The next day at school, Roy was at a dead end. He couldn't think of anyone else who could help him.

"Why haven't you asked me?" asked Jean.

"You? You're not doing any better, Mr. D average." said Riza.

"Well, what about you? Huh? What are you getting?" asked Jean.

"A+. So you shouldn't talk." replied Riza, with pride.

"Wait! Did you say you were getting an A+? In everything? Why didn't I think of this before?!" said Roy happily.

"Yeah… Wait, think of what?" Riza was confused.

"Riza Hawkeye" started Roy. "Would you consider tutoring me? In everything? I'll pay you." Roy had big puppy dog eyes going.

"Well, I can't say no. You're my friend. And you don't have to pay me."

"You'll tutor me?!" asked Roy.

"Yes, Roy. I'll tutor you." sighed Riza.

After school, the trio was walking out of the school.

"Thank you so much Riza! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Roy showered her with gratitude.

"I get it! You're welcome. It's the least I could do. That's what friends do, right? Help each other?"

"Yeah. You're the best, Riza."

"Well, just make sure you two don't start making out or anything." teased Jean. "You guys will be studying your brains out, and I'll be playing Final Fantasy XII."

"Hold on, game boy. You're coming to." said Riza, flatly.

"Why?!" Jean sounded horrified.

"What would you rather do? Rot you're brain out by playing video games, or study for a better future?" asked Riza

"Personally, I rather rot my brain out. Sounds a lot more fun than studying. Ick." Jean really seemed like he meant it, too.

"Let me rephrase that. Which is better for you? Mindless video games, or studying? Not that I have anything against FF XII or video games in general." said Riza.

"Studying." sighed Jean. Roy snickered. Jean gave him a quick glare. They had arrived at Roy's house, and they all went inside. When they all went inside, they all saw something utterly incredible. Gavin was doing schoolwork! Roy looked at Sara, who was watching Gavin, who was deep in thought.

"He hasn't moved for hours." said Sara.

"See? Studying kills!" said Jean. Riza gave _him _a glare.

The three started studying, despite Jean's reluctance. Riza went over the first subject quite well. Riza recited a bunch of equations. Suddenly, Jean burst out in panic.

"I-I can't take it!!!! All this studying is driving insane!! How. Long?!?!" Jean was acting like he was being tortured.

"If I'm not mistaken, it's only been 10 minutes. And this is simple algebraic equations. You should have learned this last year." said Sara, from across the room.

Each time they went on to a new subject, Jean acted weirder and weirder. Roy, on the other hand, was doing extremely well.

"God, Jean. Pay attention!" scolded Riza. Jean was drawing all over his worksheet, flinging eraser shavings and anything else you could just imagine.

By the end of it all, Jean looked brain dead. Roy looked smarter. Riza looked exasperated. She whacked Jean on the head, which woke him up.

"What the hell was that for?!" complained Jean.

"You didn't pay attention at all!" replied Riza.

"Yes I did."

"Oh really? What did you learn?"

"That you're a mean teacher. And Roy's a teacher's pet!" Roy & Riza chased Jean through the house. Out of everyone, Sara seemed to be the most sane. Gavin was still in a zombie-fied state. Jean started to say something that would utterly get him hurt.

"Roy & Riza, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!" Roy & Riza were intent on killing him. "Ha! I guess it's a good thing I came! If not, you two would have made out all day!" That was the last straw. Roy & Riza tackled Jean. There was a big fight cloud thing.

Suddenly, Jean got out of the fight, and left the two to beat on nothing. Jean whistled loudly, and the fight stopped. The two ended up in a, well, _suggestive_ looking pose… Gavin also happened to gat back into focus again at that very moment. He looked towards the two, and got up. He walked over to them, and kneeled down.

"May I ask what you two are doing? On the floor. On top one another." asked Gavin.

"That's what kids today call studying." joked Sara. Jean nodded. Riza & Roy blushed.


	7. Foreign Relations

_Here's a retarded story dealing with politics! Based on a real conversation I had with my dad. Oo. Just pretend that Gavin & Roy are U.S. citizens, or it won't make any sense…_

Roy & Gavin were watching T.V. The show they were watching had just ended, and the evening news was just starting.

_"With the news of Bush's term ending in January of 2009 a hot topic, many campaigns and groups have actually been celebrating…"_ Droned the news caster.

"So, Gavin. What's your opinion on Bush's term ending in 2009?" asked Roy.

"Hmm? Well, I don't know. Haven't given it much thought." replied Gavin, scratching his head. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason. It's just that our class has been studying about politics and debates and stuff. So, if you had to choose a side, positive or negative, what would you say?"

"I don't know. I'm kind of neutral. I don't think it's a bad thing that his term will end, but it's also kind of good."

"Why do you say that?" Roy was starting to sound like a reporter.

"Well, I mean, he didn't do anything to bad, but he also wasn't doing to good either."

"What do you mean?"

"He wasn't a very outstanding president. He kinda kept us in the war on Iraq for a long time, and there hasn't been a lot of change. But on the same note, if he didn't keep the U.S. in there, there'd be mass hysteria. He's also been careful since 9-11."

"Yeah. But tons of people have been celebrating. Remember in town? There was a parade for it." said Roy, recalling what he saw when they were driving through town.

"Heh heh. You know who would make an interesting president?" asked Gavin. Roy shook his head. "Arnold Schwarzenegger." Roy laughed.

"Arnold Schwarzenegger? But he's Austrian!"

"He's the governor of California."

"I know! It's just that I happened to know he was Austrian." Roy was still shaky from laughing.

"And besides! What the hell does being Australian have to do with being president?" asked Gavin, confused.

"No. I said _Austrian_. Not Australian. Big difference."

"And what is that?" said Gavin, as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Australian people sound like this. You know, like, _G'day mate!_" said Roy, with an Aussie style accent. Then he continued in his normal voice. "And Austrian people sound like… Arnold Schwarzenegger…"

Gavin looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"That sounded retarded, didn't it?" asked Roy.

"Yes, it did. It sounded really, really retarded." replied Gavin, laughing.


	8. Snack Time?

_Here's a story with Ed & Roy! Plus I can't think of any more Mustang family themed ones at the moment… This story may seem, well, odd. But if you read till the end, it'll all make sense._

It was a normal, yet slow and boring afternoon. Colonel Mustang was busy folding all his important legal documents into various origami things, while Lieutenant Hawkeye was polishing her pistols. The men were playing poker, betting with what ever cash they had. Edward and Alphonse were due to arrive at any moment, to give the colonel their boring, run-of-the-mill report.

Suddenly, Edward and Alphonse burst into the outer office.

"Hello Edward. Alphonse. The colonel is in his office. You can go right in." said Lt. Hawkeye.

"Oh, you bet that I'll go right in." said Ed, angrily. "Today's the day I get what I've wanted for a long time." Alphonse and Lt. Hawkeye exchanged confused glances. Edward stomped towards Roy's office doors. Edward slammed them open, entered, then slammed them shut.

"I wonder why brother seems so angry." wondered Al. Everyone shrugged. Suddenly, there was yelling from within the office.

"Give it here, Mustang!" yelled Ed.

"What the hell are you talking about Fullmetal?!" yelled Roy.

"Give me that Twinkie!!!!!"

"No. Fullmetal. Stop it! Put it down. Get your hands off of it!"

"Shut up, Mustang! I deserve it!"

"It's mine! I was saving it for later!"

"I want it colonel! And you can't stop me!"

"No! Hey-Ouch! Ow ow ow! That _hurt_ Fullmetal. Let me go!" Then, there was a sound of Colonel Mustang's chair falling over. Everyone was wide-eyed and too freaked out to speak. All they could do was listen to the odd sounds and yelling.

"No, Fullmetal. If you don't stop this uncontrollable behaviour, I'll have you court marshaled!"

"Well, Mustang. It wouldn't be so painful if you would stop resisting."

"Fine! You can have it! But you owe me!"

"Owe you? I owe you nothing. This is your equivalent exchange for me. You harass me, and I get _this_!" Ed laughed evilly. "Mmm. That's _so_ good. Are you enjoying this as much as I am?"

"No."

"Thought so. Mmm. It's so tasty. I'm lovin' it. Ah. Well, I'm done. Happy, colonel."

"You're a little bastard. You know that, right?"

"Yes." Suddenly, the door swung open, and out walked Ed, dusting himself off. He closed the door.

"Come on Al. Let's go." Al said nothing, and followed his brother out the door. All of Roy's subordinates looked at each other, and rushed into his office.

Roy was on the floor, behind his desk.

"S-sir. Are you okay?" asked Riza.

"He-he..." Roy got up, using his desk as a brace.

"What happened?" asked Havoc.

"That little bastard…"

"What sir?" asked Fuery, nervously.

"That little bastard stole my last Hostess Twinkie!"


	9. Gameboys

_What?! It looks as if Edward & Roy are having a brawl with Pride & Envy! It also seems as if the Homunculi have the upper hand!_

Roy attempts to dodge Pride, but is unsuccessful. He is beaten. As he lies on the ground, Edward is now out numbered two to one. He doesn't last much longer, and the Homunculi are victorious.

"Aw, man! They beat us again!" cried Edward, clutching the PS2 controller.

"That's the fifteenth time in a row!" added Roy, with an upset looking face.

"Let's take the rematch!"

"Let's! I'm sure we'll win this time!"

Breda, Havoc, Falman, Fuery & Alphonse were standing behind the two alchemists, as they played, and yelled at the screen.

"How long do you think they'll keep at it?" wondered Fuery aloud.

"Till they win?" suggested Al.

"Till their eyes fall out?" suggested Breda.

"Till Hawkeye comes in and threatens them?" suggested Havoc.

"Till they develop Carpal Tunnel syndrome?" suggested Falman. Everyone glanced at him, with blank faces. "It's when your forearm and hand develops pain, weakness, and constant pins and needles."

Suddenly, Riza came in, her arms crossed in front of her chest, and a face that didn't look pleased.

"What's going on in here? The Colonel's office is a place of work, not frivolous play." said Riza.

"The Colonel & Fullmetal are uh, well, playing." said Fuery. The men steeped aside, to reveal Ed & Roy sitting on the floor, playing their mindless videogame.

"Colonel! Edward! What on earth are you two doing?!" demanded Riza.

"Playing…" said Ed, in a zombie like voice. He was obviously extremely absorbed into the game.

"Yeah…" added Roy, in a similar tone. Suddenly, both of them cried out in defeat. "Oh, what were you saying, Hawkeye?"

"What on earth are you two so absorbed in?" she asked.

"Fullmetal Alchemist: Dream Carnival." replied Ed.

"We can't seem to beat Pride & Envy. I mean, we both killed them in real life, yet in the game, it's impossible!"

"A videogame? You two should be working." scolded Riza.

"We will!" reassured Ed. "Just as soon as we beat the damn Homunculi!"

"I just want to see those two defeated. Then I'll be satisfied." sighed Roy.

"Hm. If I can prove to you two that it's possible to beat them, then will you two _please _go back to work?" asked Riza.

"Sure, but can you really play a video game? I mean, no offense, but you're a, well, a girl." said Edward, cautiously.

"Here. Give me a controller." sighed Riza. She chose one player mode, chose herself as her character. She chose Winry as her computer partner. She chose Pride & Envy as the opponents, and started the game.

She played the game, shooting at the Homunculi. She played the entire game with a straight face, with nearly no special emotion. At the end, she won.

Ed & Roy were dumbstruck. The game only lasted 8 minutes. Their attempts lasted for at least half an hour each.

"H-how the hell did you-" gasped Ed.

"How did you do that, Hawkeye?!" gaped Roy.

"It takes technique, discipline, and a steady eye. See? You saw them defeated. Now get back to work liked you guys promised." said Riza, as she walked out the door. "And the game was way to easy. Did you two have it set on easy mode?"

"Easy?! That thing was set on advanced!" grumbled Ed.

"Maybe the computer was just really good?" said Al, trying to cheer Ed up.

"Hell no! The computer barely even touched the Homunculi!" retorted Ed.

"Women can do things. Scary things, Edward. She's got some kind of power. And it's frightening." said Roy. He sighed and stood up. "Guess it's back to work." He walked to his desk, and went back to signing papers.

"No way! Hey Hawkeye! You. Me! One on one! We'll see who wins!"

"Give it up, Brother…"


	10. I wonder

_Hmm. I've gotten a comment regarding the fact that Roy actually had three older sisters. Well, I have read/seen that elsewhere also, but I did have a reason for giving him a brother and ONE sister. And here's Roy to tell you why!_

Hi, my name's Roy, and I hear that the author had gotten a well appreciated comment on my siblings. She has an interesting reason as to why I have an older brother and one older sister. I have thought about this a whole bunch of times. So here's this one daydream I had. It included me having three sisters, and GOD! It was damn scary.

_Cue story!_

It was a boring afteernoon, and Roy had nothing to do. He was sitting in his room, when he suddenly drifted into a hazey train of thought.

"I wonder what it would be like if I had three older sisters instead of one? And what if Nii-san didn't exist…." mumbled Roy sleepily.

He fell asleep quickly.

Suddenly he woke up. He went down stairs, only to find himself in a suddenly pinker enviroment. He was in what seemed to be the living room. But it was so different. It was pink for that matter. The couch. The walls. The carpet. God. It was like the entire world, or atleast the house, was covered in pink frosting.

"What the hell?" mumbled Roy.

"Nice to see your up, sleeping beauty." sniggered a tall, thing girl with glasses. She looked very much like Roy himself. Dark, long hair, and narrow onyx eyes.

"Uh. Huh. Who the hell are you?"

"Very funny. Not. Well, I'll humor you in this stupid little game of yours. Whatever it may be." sighed the girl. "Oh gosh! Don't you remember me! I'm you're oldest loving sister, Aileen." she siad her lines in mock dismay. "Happy? You know, you're a little freak of nature." Then Aileen walked into the kitchen.

"S-SARA!!!!!!!!!" screamed Roy. Suddenly, a familiar face came running down the stairs, a displeased look on her face.

"What do you want, turd?"

"Oh my God! Is it really you Sara?!"

"No duh."

"Where's Gavin?!"

"Gavin? Who the hell is that?" she was genuinely clueless.

"What do you mean who is he?! Gavin David Mustang!"

"Never heard of him. Is he a cousin or something?"

"No! Our brother! About 5" 7', long black hair, skateboards, says dude excessively?"

"Last time I checked, you're the only boy in our family. Well since mom & dad died, anyway."

A girl came from upstairs.

"Hey Sara. Have you seen my sunglasses." asked the girl.

"Oh, yeah. They're in the top drawer of dresser. Thanks for letting me borrow them, Traci." replied Sara.

"Traci?" asked Roy.

"Duh. Man, did you hit your head or something. You're acting stupider than usual."

"Holy Crap! I'm the only boy!!!"

A week passed by, and Roy felt as if he'd been damned to hell. A girly hell. With lots of bows & ruffles. Everyday, before he left to school, the three girls ambushed him, and shoved him into a feminine, ussualy pink ensemble. He learned that he was the freak of the school, and was known to come too school everyday, dressed in a skirt. He had no friends, and everyone treated him like he was an alien. At home, he was abused like an animal. He felt like commiting suicide half the time.

Then one day, he was surrounded by a bunch of bullies. They were about to pummel him, when he woke up, in the real world.

"W-was it all a dream?" he wondered out loud. He was in his room. He ran down the stairs, when he crashed into Sara.

"Watch it shrimp!"

"Where's Gavin?!"

"In the kitchen, reading. Why?" Before she got an answer, he darted into the kitchen.

"Nii-san!!!" yelled Roy happily. Gavin stood up, and took off his glasses. Roy ran up to him, and clutched him in a gratifying hug."

"Woah woah woah! What's goin' on, little dude?" asked Gavin blankly.

"I-I just wanted to let you know that I'm so grateful for your existence!" cried Roy. He was in tears, which surprised Gavin.

"Uh. Me two?"

"And I'm so glad that I only have one sister and a brother like you!"

"Back at ya." said Gavin, gently.

"I love you, Gavin. I'm so glad you're my brother. And I never want that to change."

"I couldn't have it any other way, kiddo."

Roy explained his terrible dream to his brother. Gavin listened attentively, smiling here, frowning there.

"Roy. I want you to know that we, Sara and I, love you a lot." Roy gave him a disbelieving look.

"Sara?!"

"Yes. Even Sara loves you. She just has a weird way of showing it." Gavin said, smiling. Roy gave his brother thanks, and ran off into his room.

"What was that all about?" asked Sara, as she walked into the kitchen.

"He had a nightmare about being the only boy in the family. Aparently, he has nightmares about you abusing him. Now, why is that?"

"Hey! Don't look at me! I just hate him!"

"I'm sure you don't mean that."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because you can never hat someone without hating yourself. And do you hate yourself?"

"No. I don't." Sara's frown softened into a nicer, more pleasant expression. "Where'd you read that? A fortune cookie?"

_End story!_

_And this is why I gave Roy a brother & 1 sister. A brother for guidence & a sister to harass him. Plus, Sara is as bad as three sisters anyway!_


	11. Nii san?

A mini sequel to _Return to Amestris. _My OC is, like always, in this. Just older. 

_It had been a year since the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother returned to their universe. Brigadier General Mustang has now resumed his position as head of Central Headquarters. It was a wonderful fact to know that Central's two most well known Alchemists were back in action and in good health. It was a normal afternoon, and the military was expecting a military transfer to central. But the real surprise came from who it was…_

It was a slow morning, and Edward & Roy were having a little meeting in Roy's office. But that's not important…

Lt. Hawkeye was in the outer office, sorting things on Roy's desk. She was trying her hardest not to laugh. She was expecting a very important visitor. She wanted to surprise Roy, so she hadn't told him. It was lunch, so everyone, but Havoc was gone.

"So, boss. When is _he _gonna be here?" asked Havoc. He almost laughed. They didn't want to risk anyone hearing who it was, so they never said his name.

"_He'll_ be here any minute." Riza smiled. She was looking forward to their visitor.

About a week ago, Riza got a phone call during work. She answered the phone, not expecting anything special.

"Is this Lt. Riza Hawkeye?" asked the person on the other side.

"Yes. This is Lt. Hawkeye speaking." said Riza. The voice sounded _so_ familiar. "May I help you, sir?"

"Ah. It's nice to talk to you again, Riza-chan." Then, it hit her!

"Gavin! Is that you?!"

"Nothing gets past you, kid."

"Oh, it's great to talk to you too! So, what's going on?"

"Well, you guys received a transfer form yesterday, right?"

"Yes. We're receiving a promoted soldier in about a week. We didn't get any more information, though."

"Heh heh. I know. Because that's me. I wanted to surprise Roy, so I asked them not to send any personal information."

"Oh, that'll be a nice surprise! I promise I wont tell."

"You can tell. You can tell everyone _but_ Roy."

"I guess I'll tell Jean, then."

"Oh, Jean. So, how is he doing?"

"Not so lucky in love, I'm afraid."

"I knew it."

"Well, I have to go… My soon to be ex-boss is coming. And well, he isn't very nice."

"Bye, Gavin. See you in a week."

"See ya, Riza."

So a week later, and the secret was still a secret. The two officers recalled their childhood memories as they waited for Gavin to arrive.

No more than 10 minutes later, the door slowly opened. And in stepped the officer they've waiting for.

"Gavin. Or, should I say, Lt. Colonel Mustang. It's nice to see you again!" said Havoc. Riza smiled.

"It's great to see you two again. Man, you guys look so grown up, in military uniform! It seems as if only yesterday, you three were beaming each other with random stuff." said Gavin, nostalgically.

"Hey. We were doin that yesterday!" said Havoc. Everyone smiled.

"Okay. I'll get Roy's attention." said Riza, as she walked towards the office doors.

She opened the door, and peeked inside.

"Sir. There's a visitor for you."

"Who is it?" Riza stepped aside, and let in the visitor.

"Hello, Roy. How are you doing?" asked Gavin.

"G-Gavin! W-what the hell are you doing here?!?!"

"Is that any way to speak to your brother?"

"No. Sorry, _brother_." sighed Roy. Edward had a totally shocked look on his face.

"B-brother?! Mustang! You never told me you had a brother!" sputtered Ed.

"Hmm. Well, you may not know who I am, but I sure as hell know who you are." Gavin walked over towards Ed, and shook his hand. "It's a great pleasure to meet the Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward Elric." Ed was speechless. Finally! Someone who didn't mention his height in their first sentence.

"It's nice to meet you, uh-"

"Lt. Colonel Mustang."

"Ah. Well, if I didn't have this introduction, I'd never guess that you two were related." said Edward, scornfully. "You're so different from your brother. You're so much more _polite_!"

"Well, anyway! So, what brings you here , Nii-san?"

"I'm here because I work here now!"

"Oh, of course, that's so obvi- Wait! What?!"

"Yeah. I got transferred here. I'm the new head M.D. at the medical wing."

"Wha?! You're working _here_?!"

"Yup! Guess that means that you're gonna be my boss!"

"Thi-this must be a mistake! The resume' stated that the soldier was a medical/forensics specialist."

"That's me. What? You're not happy that we get to spend more time together?"

"N-no. It's just that, well, it's rather shocking. But it'll be nice having you around, brother." Roy smiled.

So, later that day, Roy introduced Gavin to his subordinates, first as a co-worker, then as his brother. Then, Gavin decided to be funny, and snatched Roy's eye patch.

"Ha ha! I guess they really are brothers!" joked Al.

Okay. This was just a short little story to set up some ground for some future stories!


	12. Cheer Up, Riza!

_I guess this should take place sometime in high school. I'll put it as their freshman year..._

One day, Roy & Jean were in the hallway, getting stuff from their lockers.

"I wonder where Riza is?" asked Roy.

"Maybe she got abducted by aliens, cause they needed a human sacrifice." replied Jean.

"No more alien movies for you." Suddenly, Roy's locker door slammed shut. "Hey! Wha-"

Roy looked at the person who had closed his locker door. It was Riza. Roy was too shocked to speak. He looked at Riza, who was dressed in a little cheerleader uniform, complete with a set of pompoms.

"Lost a bet?" asked Jean.

"No. I tried out."

"BUT WHY!!!!" said Roy, finally saying something.

"I did it for my dad."

"What do you mean?"

"See, my dad and I were talking about extra curricular activities. I wanted to join the basketball team, but my dad was all like, _no.. I want you to do something a little more feminine_. Then I was like, _but dad! I don't wanna do something feminine_. Then he used the whole, _but your mother would have wanted that_, card." said Riza, in one huge, fast-paced sentence.

"Whoa." said Jean.

"Yeah. The scary thing is that I understood all of that." added Roy.

So, over the course of the week, Jean & Roy watched Riza, uh, cheer. She was pretty good too.

"Heh heh. You like it, don't you?" asked Jean, slyly. The two were eating lunch, while Riza was practicing in the gym.

"Like what?" asked Roy, as he took a drink of soda.

"Riza in a sexy miniskirt!" Roy spewed his soda.

"What?!"

"I know you like it. I know that you find it hot…"

"Oh, whatever, man… Damn, how'd you know?"

"It's hard not to notice when you're looking at her ass every chance you get."

"I don't know! It's just that, whenever I see her all girly, she just looks so, so pretty."

"It happens to the best of us." said Jean, dramatically. Roy rolled his eyes.

The next day, during free period, Jean & Roy watched the cheerleaders practice. It was pretty funny, due to the fact that all of the girls kept messing up, on account that Roy was sitting in the bleachers. They couldn't help but either wave, giggle, act flirty, or a combination of any or all three. Roy was developing a fetish for miniskirts from all of these cute girls wearing them.

Later that day, after school, the three of them were on their way home, talking.

"You're pretty good Riza." said Roy. "You make a damn good cheerleader."

"Thanks." said Riza, blushing.

"So, are you ready for that competition thingy on Friday?" asked Jean.

"I hope so! I've been practicing my ass off."

"I'm sure you'll do great!" said Roy. Riza smiled bashfully.

So, on Friday, at the competition, Roy, Jean & Gavin were in the stands, waiting for their team to perform.

"This is pervert paradise, with all these skirts." commented Gavin, as he set up his video camera for the first cheer.

"Hell yeah." said Jean & Roy.

"Oh, it's starting." said Jean. The first team did their routine.

Gavin taped all the cheers.

"Pft. I wish there was more action or something…" sighed Gavin. "Some of these routines are, well, boring."

Finally, last but not least, their school's cheer squad came up on stage. The routine started off smoothly. Gavin yawned loudly.

Then suddenly, something happened. The girls screwed up on the pyramid, and a few girls fell. One of them was Riza. One girl laughed, and Riza lunged at her. There was a huge cat fight.

Roy & Jean stared at the fight, with dropped jaws.

"Was this the action you were looking for?" asked Roy.

"I guess?" answered Gavin.

The competition was stopped, and the team disqualified. Riza was kicked off the squad. She looked disappointed.

"Don't worry. That was awesome if you ask me." said Roy, as walked out of the auditorium together.

"Dude. That was the best part of this whole thing!" said Gavin.

"I loved it when you pulled Jane Gloster's hair. That was _way_ better than pro wrestling." said Jean.

"Well, I'm actually glad that I'm of the squad. It was too girly, but I didn't want to disappoint my dad by quitting." said Riza.

"Win-win situation then, huh? But that uniform does look good on you." said Roy.

"That's our cue to give them some alone time. Let's go Jean." said Gavin, as he and Jean went ahead and left the two alone.

"What are you trying to say?"

"I was simply complementing a friend on how she looks in an outfit. Isn't that what friends do?"

"No. That's what people do when they flirt."

"Me? Flirt with you?"

"Well, it sure seems like it."

"Maybe, maybe not." said Roy, suavely. The two laughed.


	13. Crackatoa!

_I've been watching to many Geico commercials… And yes. I am aware of how OOC Roy is. But being hyper off of a sugar & crack mixture can seriously do nasty things to you. And just to let you know, Gavin did not skip school. His college is having a teacher work day. No school! And Roy and the gang are juniors in high school. Gosh. This story is so random…_

Roy had apparently been watching to many Geico commercials to, for he went on a really random Geico rant.

"Hmm. If the cavemen don't like being made fun of, then I'll think of some other people to make fun of. Hee hee!" said Roy. It was morning, and he's had a whopping bowl of sugar/crack. Someone's hyper.

Gavin was in the living room, reading, when Roy jumped in front of him, with a cracked-out smile on his face. is so easy, Gavin could do it!" yelled Roy, insanely. Then he started to run off. Gavin beamed him in the head with is skateboard.

"Ouchie!" said Roy, as he fell down. He lay there for a few seconds, then darted out of the room.

"Did he have a bowl of crack this morning, or something?" sighed Gavin.

Roy ran up to Sara, who was coming down the stairs. Sara glared at him. is so easy, Sara could do it!" he said, in the same insane voice. Then he ran towards the door. Sara beamed him in the head with her textbook. Roy fell down again.

"Ouchie!" Then he did the same thing, then grabbed his school things, and ran out the door.

"He's definitely mentally challenged." sighed Sara.

At school, Roy had a whole bunch of people to insult.

"Hee hee! is so easy, Riza can do it!" said Roy randomly, as he, Riza & Jean were in the hall, at their lockers. She got mad, and slammed Roy's face into his closed locker door.

"Ouchie!" said Roy, as Riza and Jean closed their locker doors.

"Was that really necessary?" asked Jean.

"Sorry. Reflex. I didn't mean to slam him _that _hard." said Riza.

Then, suddenly Roy got up, and smiled. is so easy, Jean could do it!" Jean flung his rather heavy towards Roy, who fell with it.

"Was _that_ necessary?" asked Riza.

"Reflex."

"Ah."

At lunch, the school bullies were passing by, when Roy stood up.

"Oh, god." sighed Riza.

"I'll get some more napkins. Might get messy…" said Jean, as he slithered away from the scene. is so easy, the school bullies could do it!" said Roy. The group of five big, ugly, smelly-You get it-Guys got angry, and lunged at him. This huge fight cloud emerged, and Roy immediately escaped from it, untouched.

"Hee hee. Stupid bullies." giggled Roy. Riza sighed. Then Jean came back.

"Well, I'm glad Roy wasn't beaten to a pulp." said Jean, flinging his wad of napkins into the fight cloud. The three stood up, and went to throw away their trash.

After lunch, in class, the teacher was going over the assignment, when Roy stood up. is so easy, the teacher could do it!"

"Roy Mustang! Report to the principal's office. Now!" scolded the teacher. Roy ran out of the classroom, his arms spread out like wings.

"What's going on in that house of his. I should have a talk with that gangster brother of his." mumbled the teacher.

Roy arrived in the principal's office and plopped down into the chair in front of the desk.

"So, Roy. Tell me why you're here." asked the principal.

"The stupid teacher made me!" replied Roy. The principal looked at him. Roy was acting very immaturely.

"Ha ha! is so easy, the retarded principal could do it!"

"Roy. I think you should go home. You seem, well you don't seem quite yourself."

"No, sir!" yelled Roy. Though the principal is a woman… Then, Roy made a break for it. He ran out of the office, and ran for the school's main exit. The principal ran after him, yelling. Then, the whole school followed them out of the school, and onto the streets. And I mean the _whole_ school. Freshman, sophomores, Juniors, and seniors. Teachers and everything, too.

The entire freaking mob arrived on Roy's street. He was still ahead of them. He was only three feet from the door. He could have made it safely inside, if it weren't for him crashing into the door.

Inside the house, Gavin heard the loud crash, so he went to open the door, to investigate. He first saw Roy sprawled out on the porch. Then he looked out at the mob staring at him. There was whispering. Girls giggling. And guys talking.

Then, Gavin & the principal made eye contact. She walked up to him, and stood in front of him, a disapproving look on her face.

"Gavin David Mustang. We meet again. Last time I saw you in the eighth grade, you were carrying around a gun in your pocket." said the principal.

"Ms. McDonnell. What a pleasant surprise." said Gavin, with a hint of sarcasm.

"My, my. You've grown up. You look much more mature. So, you're in your second year at the university, am I right?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm studying biology and life science. Anyway, not to be rude, but why is there a mob outside of my house?"

"Oh, that. See, your little brother was acting a bit, well, disruptive. He was sent to my office, and he ran. So now here we are."

"Yeah. What did he do? I apologize for my brother. I'll take full responsibility."

"Well. To put it bluntly, he was acting crazy. All of his teachers reported some kind of odd behavior."

"Odd?" Gavin squatted down, and took a look at Roy, who was sitting behind him, on the porch. "Roy. Tell me. How many fingers am I holding up?" He held up two fingers.

"Elevnty-seven!" replied Roy.

"Open your mouth." Roy obeyed. "Did you have crack or something this morning?"

"Yup yup!" Gavin sighed.

"I'm sorry everyone. Seems as if Roy here has ingested an illegal substance. I'll take care of everything. Please, uh, just go back to whatever you were doing." The mob broke up, and school was canceled for the rest of the day. Gavin shooed Roy into the house, as he talked to some teachers.

"Crack-atoa!" yelled Roy, from inside.

"I can explain!" said Gavin nervously. The teachers were waiting for his explanation. And they got one.


	14. War

Random story. Inspired by my friend who used Gavin & Sara as a super hero/villain thing for art.

One afternoon, Roy had just gotten home. He had stayed after school to help his teacher. He opened the front door to find his brother & sister locked in battle.

"You little slut! I'll kill you for that!" yelled Gavin, as he threw the radio at Sara.

"You're such an asshole!" screamed Sara. Their yelling and throwing of things continued. Roy sighed, as he snuck back out the door, after dumping his backpack on the floor.

Roy appeared at Riza's door.

"Uh. Can I stay here until, well, sometime like at least midnight?" asked Roy.

"Well, my dad is out of town, so sure. But why?" said Riza.

"Well… Gavin & Sara are um... Well. They're kinda in the dangerous zone."

"Dangerous zone?"

"Yeah. If I were to stay in the house with them like that, then I don't think I'd live to see another day."

"Come on." said Riza, as she dragged Roy over to his house. "I need to see this."

When they got to Roy's house, they could hear loud crashing noises & loud, angry yelling. They looked at the door.

"Well, you wanted to see what's going on. So." said Roy.

"I guess we're going in." sighed Riza, regretting the idea of checking out the scene. Riza slowly opened the door. They both stepped in.

"Sara you fucking bitch!!!" roared Gavin. He somehow picked up their grand piano, and flung it at Sara. She dodged it, and threw the television at him.

"I'll kill you Gavin!!!"

Roy & Riza watched as they threw more things at each other. They also took note at how much the house now resembled a house hit by a tornado. Riza suddenly walked into the area between the two siblings.

"STOP!!!" screamed Riza. The two looked at her, holding random items mid-air.

"Why are you two fighting?" asked Riza

"She's a bitch."

"He's a bastard." Then they continued their war. Riza ran back toward Roy.

"Did I mention that this happens nearly once every month?" asked Roy. "Sara is usually PMSing, while Gavin has a 'testosterone spill'. I have no idea why they get so nuts though."

"Oh. I guess I get it. But what do we do now?" said Riza.

"Want some ice cream? My treat." said Roy, slyly.

"It's a date."


	15. Channel Browsing

_Another little story based on something silly me & my Dad did._

Gavin & Roy were watching some T.V. in living room. It was a summer evening, and they were bored to tears.

"Man, there is nothing on!" grumbled Gavin

"900 channels, and nothing to watch." sighed Roy. Then, Gavin changed the channel. He smiled. "What Not to Wear!"

Roy rolled his eyes, and smiled too.

"Stunt Junkies!"

"Law & Order!"

"The Tonight Show!"

"MTV awards!"

"How It's Made!"

"Inuyasha!"

"The Brady Bunch!"

"Alien VS. Predator!"

"Top Chef!"

"Rush Hour 2!"

"Plastic Surgery: Before & After!"

"Good Eats!"

"The Most Extreme!" The two laughed.

"The little things we do." sighed Gavin, recovering from his fit of laughter.

"Yeah." sighed Roy.

"Well, that killed 10 minutes."

"The On-television guide listings just changed. Wanna read 'em again?"

"Sure!"

_Um… For those who didn't get it, they were reading the television listings off the channel guide on TV…_


	16. Movie Nite

_Based on a school trip we took to see Shrek the Third for the last week of school… BTW, Akira is the Mustang family's 15 year old cousin… He's new… And living with them…_

"So, what movie are we gonna see?" asked Roy.

"Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." replied Gavin.

"I have been waiting _so_ long for that movie to come out." added Sara.

"Me too." added Akira.

"You're bringing Riza & Jean too, right?" asked Gavin.

"Yeah. And you're inviting Grace & D.J.?"

"Yup." replied Gavin.

"So, the movie starts at 12:00 tomorrow, right?" asked Akira.

"Yup."

The Mustangs & friends were going to have a little movie day, since it was summer.

The next day, the gang were at the theater, getting seats.

"Did you buy enough snacks there, Gavin?" asked Akira sarcastically.

"I hope so!" replied Gavin. Akira slapped his palm onto his forehead.

"This place is pretty crowded." said D.J.

"Well, it is the opening weekend for the movie."

"Hope we can get some good seats." said Riza.

"There's some up there!" said Jean, pointing to a row of 8 seats. The group took those seats and settled down for the movie. And they all made sure that Roy & Riza were sitting next to each other.

The movie went on, but everyone was more interested in the 'couple'. Everyone was constantly looking towards them, waiting for anything 'interesting'.

The movie ended, and everyone filed out the theater doors.

"Damn, they didn't kiss!" mumbled Gavin."

"Who? Cho & Harry?" asked Roy.

"You & Riza, dumb-ass!" replied Akira.

"How long will it take for them to realize it?" asked Sara.

"I _don't_ know…" sighed Grace.

"How oblivious." sighed D.J.

"They just don't see it, do they?" replied Jean. Roy and Riza were walking together, behind the rest of them.

"So, um. How was the movie?" asked Roy.

"I liked it. There was a part I liked the best." replied Riza.

"Same here. But it seems like every one but us missed it."

"Well, they all can be a little oblivious sometimes." Roy smiled at her. And the two walked out of the theater exit, holding hands.


	17. Kumiko?

_For those who may not know, Ito En is a Japanese brand of iced tea._

It was a Thursday morning, and Roy came downstairs to the kitchen. He was wearing a button-down shirt over a t-shirt. The print on the button-down looked very Japanese. Roy's hair was sprawled out, in front of his face.

"Well, good morning, Mr. Sleepy head." said Gavin. Roy grunted.

"Looks like someone didn't get enough sleep." commented Sara. Gavin nodded in agreement. Then, Gavin laughed.

"You know Roy, with that shirt, and your hair like that, you kinda remind me of Kumiko." said Gavin.

"Kumiko?" asked Sara.

"The girl from Karate Kid II." mumbled Roy.

"Not ringing any bells." said Sara.

"You know!" said Gavin, tapping Sara's shoulder. "The weird girl. You know. She's all like 'Oh Daniel-san! I ruv you so muchee, Daniel-san! Come bon dance with me, Daniel-san! Come dance with me, Daniel-san! Come drink this tea made by Ito En with me!'. That girl?" Gavin had done his impression in a high, girly voice. Roy was now feeling less grumpy, and laughing hysterically.

"Ito En…" sighed Roy, laughing. "I like that tea… But is it pronounced Aye-to en, or Eee-to En?"

"Ee-to En" replied Gavin, in the same high voice as before.

"Oh. That girl." said Sara, laughing. "I remember now. But she didn't talk like that!"

"Yes she did." said Gavin.

"No she didn't." argued Sara.

"Yuh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Ito En… I can't believe he said that………" sighed Roy.

_Yes. Lame. But I thought it was funny. I have my inspirations…._


	18. Happy Birthday!

_Ah… June 16. It's a wonderful day. And lazy. OMG! Today is- Gavin's birthday! And so, for the birthday boy, here's a little story, just for him!_

It was a normal Saturday morning, and Gavin was slumping his way to the kitchen, to make breakfast. Suddenly, he was stopped by Akira, Sara & Roy.

"What are you doing, Nii-san?" asked Roy.

"I'm going to cook breakfast. What about you?" replied Gavin.

"Ho ho. You're not gonna do anything today, mister." said Sara.

"And why is that?" asked Gavin.

"Aw, don't be modest! Let us do everything today!" chirped Akira.

"Um… Really. What's the occasion?" Gavin was really clueless.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, SILLY!" yelled Sara, Akira & Roy, cheerfully.

"Is that today?!" asked Gavin. Roy, Akira & Sara all had sweat drops.

"Are you telling us that you forgot your own birthday?!" asked Sara.

"My mom did mention you were getting a bit 'forgetful'…" sighed Akira.

"Well, I didn't really think that me getting older mattered that much." said Gavin, innocently.

"Didn't matter?" asked Roy, surprised. "A birthday is a milestone! It signifies that moment of your own being. Of you existence!" Roy continued on in a rant on how important a birthday is. When Roy finished, the three of them jolted into the kitchen, and locked Gavin out. Gavin sighed.

"Be careful not to hurt yourselves! And watch out when using the stove and kitchen knives!" yelled Gavin through the door.

"Okay!" yelled everyone in response. Gavin sighed again, then smiled.

"You know, you guys really don't have to do this!" Then, the door opened. Roy looked at him.

"We know." said Roy quietly. Then he closed the door again.

For breakfast, there was blueberry pancakes. The boys had flour and batter on their faces. Gavin laughed and asked what had happened. So Sara told him how the electric mixer had betrayed them and made a total mess.

At lunch, everyone came over to the house. Grace cooked pasta for lunch. Everyone ate till they could eat no more. Then came the gifts.

"Aw. Gifts? You guys really didn't have to get me anything."

"Don't be silly! You deserve it!" reassured Riza.

He received some nice things from his friends. D.J. had gotten him a new skateboard. Roy, Jean & Riza all pooled their money together to get him a really nice camera. Sara got him a pair of skate shoes, claiming that his current pair was getting shoddy. Akira had gotten him a hoodie. A very nice one too. Grace gave him two things. A watch and a kiss. The kiss was photographed by Roy, using Gavin's new camera. Gavin had been caught totally of guard.

Later, D.J., yes, D.J., made a cake. And had avoided destroying the house. Everyone was impressed. Everyone enjoyed the cake, which was actually very good.

When everyone left, the Mustangs relaxed and talked.

"Did you have a nice birthday?" asked Akira.

"It was more than I could ever ask for." replied Gavin.

"Glad you enjoyed everything." said Sara.

"I did enjoy the stuff I got, but that wasn't the best part. As long as you're all with me, nothing could ever top it. Not even shoes, or a camera, or stuff like that. Everyone smiled.

_The fluff. It burns. _


	19. Why Gavin Hates College Dorms

_Why Gavin hates college dorms... I feel evil..._

"Well, I'll be going now! See you two soon!" said Gavin as he walked out the door. He had luggage, which seemed to hold all his possessions.

"Oh my gosh! You're not moving out are you?!" freaked Roy. "Please stay!! We neeeed you!!!!" Roy was on the floor, grabbing his ankle.

"Gavin. Please, don't be irrational. Moving out has way more cons than pros!" Akira said.

"Okay. Let me just get this straight, you two. First, Roy. Please get off of my foot." said Gavin. Roy bashfully got up, and straightened up his clothes. "Okay. And second, I'm not moving out."

"What a relief!!!" cried Roy.

"Then where are you going?" asked Sara.

"I'm going to be on campus all week. We're doing a week long observation on sleeping habits. And I got night shift." Roy, Akira & Sara sighed.

So, after he explained, Gavin left for the campus.

Meanwhile, somewhere on campus, Anna, the psychotically evil, and possibly bipolar cheerleader with a freakin big crush on Gavin was plotting something. Something evil. She was in a large room, with big group of other girls. And strangely, a few guys…

"Okay Ladies! And some gentlemen… Today is the day our dreams become a reality!" yelled Anna. The group cheered. "Today, and for the whole week, Gavin Mustang is going to be staying here! On campus! And his little girlfriend won't be around!" The group went completely spastic. Anna unrolled a little poster of Gavin. "This is out target! Our super cute, totally sexy target! With that uber hot emo hair, and those beautiful eyes, and that cute little bu-" She was interrupted by her second in command, Nikki. "Tee hee. Sorry. Anyway. We strike in four days, at midnight!"

Elsewhere, Gavin had just arrived at his visitor dorm, with D.J. & Grace. He was going to rooming with D.J., while Grace was going on a trip for her class.

"So, Gavin. You and D.J. gonna be okay without me to bail you guys out of trouble?" asked Grace.

"Don't worry, Gracie. I'll make sure that D.J. doesn't stick his finger in a socket, or eat anything he shouldn't." joked Gavin. D.J. gave him a quick glance. Grace laughed.

"Okay, guys. See you in a week." said Grace. She gave both boys a quick peck on the cheek as she left the room.

The guys un-packed as they conversed.

"So. Your shift will be from 4:30 A.M to 8:30 A.M. Right?" asked Gavin.

"Yeah. And yours is from 12:30 P.M. to 4:30 A.M." replied D.J.

"Man. I better sleep all day. And bring lots of coffee…" D.J. nodded.

"I hate final project weeks. We get a whole week of from all but one class to finish the quarterly project. Talk about a waste of time."

So that night. The project started. On Monday, things were boring as heck, watching people sleep. On Tuesday, the guys had each developed various ways of avoiding boredom. For the next few days, things were pretty, well, average. On Friday, though. Things got really, really weird. D.J. had just gotten back from his shift, and Gavin was taking a quick shower, to wake himself up. D.J. was chilling on the small sofa. Them he heard some scratching noises, and something that sounded like footsteps.

He went outside to investigate. When he was down the hall, the horde lead by Anna & Nikki made their way inside. They all positioned themselves outside of the bathroom. Then D.J. came in. Nikki quickly shuffled up behind him, and covered his mouth.

"If you do anything to mess this mission up, I'll kill you faster than you can say Gavin David Mustang." threatened Nikki. D.J. nodded, and she let him go. She shoved a camcorder into his hands. "Videotape this event, and I'll pay you. In cash." D.J. obeyed. He really didn't want to have to face the fury of Gavin's fan horde of wannabes.

Suddenly, the shower stopped, and the sliding of the shower curtain could be heard. This was the moment these girls (and a few guys) had been waiting for. The door opened, and Gavin, clad in only boxers, stepped out of the bathroom. As soon as he saw the mob, the expression on his face greatly resembled the expression a deer has when in front of the headlights of a car. He saw D.J. hiding in the corner, taping everything.

"What. The hell. Is going on?" freaked Gavin. Then, Anna stepped up.

"Hello Gavin." said Anna, in a creepy sort of way.

"Anna. Why the hell did you bring these people here?!"

"Well. We heard you were gonna be in the area, and we _all_ wanted to come by, and give a little _visit_." Anna had said this in the way a stalker or molester would have said something.

"Oh, shit." Then, the fan girls (and fan boys) attacked. Hands reached out from everywhere. One hand took a grab at him. Someone giggled.

"Yeah, uh… Whoever's hand that is. Please remove it." Another hand grabbed at him. "Hey! What the fuck?!" Then a hand grabbed him from _behind. _"Who's hand was that?!" Gavin looked behind him, to find a guy, smiling in the most creepiest way. "That was not cool, dude. _Especially_ since you're a dude!"

Soon, he was at the bottom of a pile of people, probably being violated in more ways than one should be allowed to be.

Meanwhile, D.J. was watching everything through the camera, probably scarred for life. He wanted to help his best friend, but was afraid to be killed by the fan girls.

Then, the door opened. Grace stormed in. She did not looked amused. A few girls emerged from the pile, ready to intercept the 'intruder'. Grace punched them all. A few more tried to stop her. She beat them up again.

The cycle continued, until only Anna & Nikki remained.

"What are you doing here, bimbo?!" yelled Anna.

"I was gonna ask you the same question?! What did you and your whore squad do to my boyfriend?!" yelled Grace.

"We got what we've all deserved." replied Anna, in a slutty tone.

"Really? Cuz I'll give you something you deserve." Then Grace slapped Anna across the face. A fight broke out between the two girls. Nikki quickly left the scene. Probably back to her own dorm room.

The fight ended, and Grace turned out the victor. She kicked Anna out of the room. (Literally.) She went to check on Gavin, who was hiding in the bathroom. She kneeled down next to him, and he looked at her like a scared child.

"Gavin?" asked Grace. "Are you okay?"

"The-the fan girls… All the molesting!" Gavin was in more of a freaked-out state, than scared. Grace sighed.

On Saturday, Gavin got home, and plopped down onto the couch.

"You're home." said Roy. "So how were the dorms?"

"Friggin Hell!!"

"What happened?" asked Sara. So, he told them what had happened. At the end, Roy, Sara & Akira were all wide-eyed and disturbed.

"And they just cam at you like wild animals?!" asked Akira. Gavin nodded.

"And from now on, I will never step foot into a college dorm for as long as I live."


	20. A Very Fishy Death

_So, this really actually happened. For summer school science, we did an experiment with fish, and I had a guy & girl guppy, which my friend Sarah had named Gavin & Grace. So, the next morning, Grace the fish had passed away. Then, 2 days after the experiment started, Gavin the fish died. So now, I have a new fish, named Akira. I hope he doesn't die… So, Jean's explanation is an exact copy of the one my friend Reichal had made up. But Sara's reaction was just made up for this fic. _

Roy had just gotten home, and he looked rather upset.

"Hey Roy. What's wrong?" asked Gavin. "You look a little bummed." Roy seemed to wince as he looked at his elder brother.

"I'm sorry, nii-san, but it's kinda hard to look at you right now." laughed Roy. Gavin looked confused.

"It's hard to look at me? Do I wanna know?"

"Oh, no. It's not creepy or anything. It's just _really_ stupid."

"I don't care. Let's hear the stupidity."

"Oh-kay… But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Just tell me the freakin story." Then, Akira came into the room.

"Wazzup guys?" asked Akira, biting into an apple.

"Roy was just gonna tell me a story. Care to join us Akira-san?"

"Hai Taka-san." said Akira, bowing. Gavin rolled his eyes.

"Okay. So for science, we had to do an experiment called life in a bottle. It's a thing where we get a big bottle, and put some fish and plants and water and stuff in it. Then we close the bottle and watch how the bottle is like a little ecosystem or whatever. Well, I went to the pet shop with Jean & Riza, and bought a couple of fish at lunch break. So we all decided to name them. Riza suggested I name them Gavin & Grace, so I did." started Roy.

Sara had now just entered the kitchen, and could hear the conversation. She just sat at the table, relaxing.

"So, I left the fish in the classroom, and the next morning, Grace died. So Jean gives me his theory on how Grace died. He figures that Gavin had raped her, then murdered her so that the police fish with the little sirens on their heads wouldn't find out."

Gavin looked stunned. Akira looked like he was gonna bust a gut.

"Then, this morning, I found out that Gavin died too. Jean thinks the bottle raped him as punishment. So now, the teacher gave me a new fish. We named him Akira."

Akira was now on the floor, laughing his head off. Gavin was just standing there, twitching. Akira & Roy left the room. Sara suddenly burst into the room.

"Gavin! You sick pervert!" screamed Sara. "How could you do something like that?! You horny teenager, you!" Then she slapped him in the back of the head. She stormed upstairs.

Just then, Grace & D.J. came into the house.

"I did not rape her you idiot!" yelled Gavin up the stairs. He turned around, and saw Grace staring at him weird.

"What the hell?" she asked.


	21. Riza's Movie Moment

_So, me & my friend went to see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer today, and while watching the previews, we saw the teaser for the movie Live Free or Die Hard. And one part of the teaser was that the main character drove a car up a ramp-ish thing, and jumped out, He sent the car flying into a helicopter, and it blew up. My friend said that this was something Riza would never ever do. And I thought different._

It was a insane day for Colonel Roy Mustang, and his second in command, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.

There had been hostage situation at the bank, and the captor was now attempting to escape the building. It seemed to be an organized crime, since there was a helicopter waiting for the suspect.

The military was trying to contain the suspect, all the while making sure that the accomplice in the helicopter did not escape.

Lt. Hawkeye seemed to be trying to do both. The entire area had been evacuated, and the streets in this area were quite wide. She was shooting at not only the suspect, but at the helicopter too. Col. Mustang had ordered men to try and anchor down the copter by throwing heavy ropes around it. They did this, to no avail.

"Lieutenant! Monitor the accomplice in the copter! The suspect is in custody!" barked Mustang.

"Yes sir!" she replied, with a quick salute.

She shot at the copter, until suddenly, she ran out of ammunition. She looked around franticly, when she spotted a parked military vehicle. It had been parked a few feet behind a large industrial truck, which had a ramp-like shape to it. She quickly ran towards and jumped into the car. She gunned the ignition, and drove as fast as she could towards the truck. This had sent the car air born, and conveniently towards the helicopter. She jumped out of the vehicle, and landed with a skillful tumble.

The car crashed into the copter's tail, causing it to fall towards the ground. Military personnel stormed towards the copter, and apprehended the accomplice.

Col. Mustang ran up to Lt. Hawkeye, and gave her an almost disapproving look.

"Hawkeye! What the hell was that?! I ordered you to monitor the copter. Not destroy state property."

"My apologies sir."

"Now, what was your reason for such actions? For destroying a military vehicle and stolen copter?"

"I ran out of bullets sir."

"Oh my god… Hawkeye." he said sternly.

"Yes sir?"

"I am never taking you to see another Bruce Willis film again."

"Yes sir…"


	22. Cosplay reference

_Cosplay. That is all._

It was a sunny summer day, and Gavin was in the backyard, sitting on a lawn chair, with sunglasses and a newspaper.

D.J. & Grace were gonna come over for a little down time.

"Hm… I wonder when they'll get here?" sighed Gavin. "It's such a hot day." Suddenly, a cool stream of water splashed Gavin in the back of the head.

"Hey, buddy!" said D.J. happily.

"Hey, Deej. I see that you've busted out the old super soaker. Just like when we were kids."

"No. When we were kids, he'd drop ice cubes down my shirt." said Grace. D.J. smiled.

"Nice dress Grace." said Gavin.

"Thank you! Nice, erm, shiftlessness?" replied Grace.

"Thank you?" Gavin tried. D.J. snickered.

"Hey, Gav. Doesn't Grace remind ya of something?"

"Hm… Lemme think….."

"C'mon. Can't you see it?"

"Heh. If I didn't know any better, id say that in that dress, she looks like Namine from KH2."

"I know, right?" laughed D.J.

"Yeah! She has the hair and eyes too!"

"Hee hee. The living Namine. You'd be great for cosplay, sis."

"I wouldn't talk. Genma Shiranui." said Grace. The two siblings continued their little argument.

"I'm glad I just look emo." sighed Gavin, as he took a drink from his soda can.

_Hmm… I think the purpose of this fic was to describe how the characters look, just in an uber retarded kind of way. _


	23. Chuu!

_College can do scary things to you. It can make __you__ do scary things. Or, in this case, Gavin._

It was the last week of school before summer, and the end of the year dance was on Friday. People were getting dates, or trying to find one.

Gavin & Grace had decided to, of course, go together. D.J. however, had still failed to find a date.

The Gavin fan girls were determined to have one of them claim him as a date. So at lunch break they decided to try.

Gavin & Grace were walking of campus to get some food that was remotely edible, when they were stopped by Anna and her army of Gavin-lusting fan girls & boys.

"Gavin David Mustang. Girl whom I disdain." started Anna. "gavin. We have something to ask you."

"And, that would be?" asked gavin.

"We want to know. Who would you rather go to the dance with? One of us?" she asked, gesturing towards her army. "The people who love & worship you? Or _her_? That _person_. That little _slut_?" she gestured towards Grace.

"Uh…… Well……" gavin was speechless.

"Well? Go ahead. Answer them, Gavin. Who would you prefer? Them or me?" asked Grace.

"Well. Um… The truth is….." Suddenly, D.J. passed by.

"Hey guys. Uh. What's going on?" asked D.J.

The light bulb in Gavin's head light up.

"The truth is that I actually love….. D.J." said Gavin, as he walked towards his now stunned friend.

"What?!" screamed the fan horde.

"What?!" screamed Grace.

"What?!?!" screamed D.J.

Gavin walked up to D.J. He looked at him, with a tender light in his expression. He put his hand on his friends cheek, and kissed him.

The fan horde & Grace all look on in utter disgust. Gavin returned from the kiss, and D.J. fainted in complete shock.

"And if anyone of you here tells another soul, you'll be sorry." threatened Gavin, in a dark tone.

The fan horde nodded, and ran away.

As soon as the horde was out of sight, Grace looked at Gavin seriously. Then she broke out into heavy laughter.

"I can't believe you actually did that! They totally bought it!" she laughed.

"That was the weirdest thing I've ever done." sighed Gavin. "I'm hungry. Lets get some food."

"Sure. But what about D.J.?"

"Eh. He'll wake up in a few minutes. I think."

The couple walked off, hand in hand.

"Do you have a toothbrush in that purse of yours, by chance?"

"Sorry, dear."

"Damn."


	24. Boy Meets Emo

_Yosh! New character coming through! Eric AKA Emo Dude, was created during an art class project. I used him for a character sketch of a bad guy. (Grace was the hero.) I didn't want to get rid of him, so I recycled him into Eric Weiss. I was originally gonna make him Gavin's enemy, but eh… He's to cool to be bad. Here's his first appearance. Yay for his name! (Named him after Harry Houdini. Erich Weiss was his real name.)_

_This is a little history of how they first met in the 5__th__ grade, and became friends. And before they became sworn enemies… That happens in high school…_

Eric was at home, sulking in his typical emo-esque style. Well actually, he was just reading volume 8 of Trinity Blood…

This may not be a well known fact, but his brother, Kyle, hates him more than words could describe. Their father too, hated him. Wonderful, huh? His mother died a few years ago, and she seemed to be the only one who truly cared for him.

And so begins the psychotic fight between Eric & everyone else.

Meanwhile, Gavin was in the backyard. He heard yelling & crashing noises from next door. (Convenient, eh?) He went over towards a window, to see Eric, running around, being chased by his brother & dad.

"Hey…. It's that guy from school!. Uh… what's his name… Eric. Hm… I guess I better help the dude out…" said Gavin, as he went to the door.

Meanwhile…

"Leave meh alone!!!" yelled Eric, as he ran around, trying to avoid contact with his pursuers.

Then…

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" yelled gavin, as he came flying towards the two guys. Gavin stood up, and grabbed Eric. He dragged him outside, and closed the door.

Eric looked at gavin with dishpan eyes.

"Hi! I'm Gavin. I'm your neighbor slash classmate. Eric, right?"

"Uh.. Yeah. Nice to meet you?"

"Erm.. Anyways. What was that all about? Your ohana out to kill ya or something?"

"Oh-whata?"

"Family."

"Oh. And yeah. I think they are trying to kill me. But I could just be paranoid."

"Uh… That was kinda sarcastic…"

"Anyway! Thank you so much for that, uh… Dynamic entry….. You watch Naruto, don't you?"

"Yup!"

"Well thanks again. I guess I'll see you tomorrow in class?"

"Yeah." The two parted.

The next day at school, Gavin, Grace & D.J. were eating lunch, when Eric came up to them.

"Hi gavin. Thanks for yesterday."

"No prob. Glad you're okay."

"Uh… Well…. I have to go. See you later?"

"Okay!" Eric left, and was at the lunchroom door. He waved & smiled at Gavin, who waved & smiled back.

"What was that all about?" asked Grace.

"Eric's my neighbor, & I just helped him out."

"Pfft! I bet he's your new boyfriend or something!" laughed D.J. Gavin shoved off the seat angrily. Grace giggled.

"Well, I'm glad we have a new friend. I'd like to talk to him sometime." said Grace. "And he's kinda cute!"

"Nice…"

"I'm okay, thanks for asking." moaned D.J. from the floor.

The two just rolled their eyes.


End file.
